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Calls To Heaven:
A man in Oregon decided to write a book about churches around the country. Going to a very large church, he began taking
photographs and making notes.
He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign which read "$10,000 a minute."
Seeking out the pastor he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that this golden phone is, in fact, a direct
line to Heaven and if he pays the price he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way.
As he continued to visit churches in Washington, Idaho, Utah, Oklahoma, Missouri, and all around the United States, he
found more phones, with the same sign; and the same answer from each pastor.
Finally, he arrived in Texas. Upon entering a church in Texas, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time,
the sign read: "Calls: 50 cents." Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor. "Reverend, I have been in cities
all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven
and that I could talk to God. However, in the other churches the cost was $10,000 a minute -- your charge is only 50 cents.
How can this be?"
(I just love this ridiculous answer!)
The pastor, smiling benignly, replied,
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"Son, you're in Texas now..... it's a local call."
The Origin of the phrase.. "Rhinestone Cowboy"
More GREAT Texas Humor
From an Authority!
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You know you're in Texas when...
1.You can say 110 degrees without fainting...
2.You eat hot chili to cool your mouth off...
3.you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car...
4.You can make sun tea instantly...
5.You learn that a seat belt makes a good branding iron...
6.You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance...
7.In August, Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one...
8.It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is moving on the streets...
9.You actually burn your hand opening the car door...
10.Sunscreen is sold year round, kept at the front of the checkout counter.
11.A formula less than 30 SPF is a joke and you only wear that to go check your mail...
12.Hot air balloons can't go up...
13.No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car.
14.Your biggest bicycle wreck fear: "What if I get knocked out and lie on the pavement and cook to death?"
15.You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
Students in a psychology class at a southern university were attending their first class on emotional extremes.
"In order to establish some parameters," the professor said to a student from Alabama, "What is the opposite
of joy?" - "Sadness," replied the student. "And what is the opposite of depression?", the professor
asked a young lady from Mississippi. "Elation," she answered. "And you, young man," he said to a student
from Texas. "What about the opposite of woe?"--- "Well, sir, I believe that'd be 'giddy-up'," the Texan
replied.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on
newcomers. When he finished, he found his horse had been stolen. He comes back into the bar, handily flips his gun into the
air, catches it above his head without even looking and fires a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse?" he
yelled with surprising forcefulness. - No one answered- "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside
by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I dun back in Texas and I don't want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!"
Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and his horse was back! He saddled up and started
to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, what happened in Texas?" The
cowboy turned back and said,
"I had to walk home!"
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